Toad lickin' time
by Supercat
Summary: CUKOO! CUKOO!
1. Default Chapter

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Wha?  
by Supercat  
  
It was late at night, everyone was asleep in Tokyo 3..... everyone except for ONE man.  
Mr. CheesyPoofs.  
Otherwise known as Gendo.  
"Arise my creature! ARISE!!!"  
The horrible creature didn't arise, it arose.  
"I said ARISE you idiot!"  
"Oh... sorry."  
  
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The first words that came out of her mouth were  
"Hugbee!"  
"Uh.... Misato why'd you say that?"  
"I have no idea. Uh..... Shinji?"  
"Yes."  
"Why are you standing in my breakfast?"  
"I have no idea."  
Asuka came in the kitchen to see Shinji standing in Misato's breakfast, and Misato licking a giant green toad.  
"Hello mister leprauchan....He he he he.....pretty colors..."  
"Shinji, what the hell is going on here!"  
"No, Asuka, the portal to hell is in our living room."  
"That's not what I meant you baka! How did that portal get here!? And why are a bunch of weird things happenning?"  
"You mean like that fact that you haven't hit me in an hour, and that Misato is licking a toad instead of drinking?"  
"Yeah! Let's go investigate! But first, I need to whap you."  
*WHACK*  
"Oops. That was a 'whack'. I'll have to try again."  
*POW*  
"Damn."  
*FWACK*  
"Crap."  
  
( Four hours later....)  
  
*WHAP*  
"There ya go. About time. Ready to go, Shinji?"  
"AAwwwww.....*gurgle* My FaCe........"  
  
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In the streets of Tokyo 3, a horrible beast wreaked havoc everywhere.  
Meanwhile, Mauricio baked a cake.  
  
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Shinji, his face twice the size of his Eva, was being dragged along by Asuka. They both halted in front of Gendo's office, which seemed to generate a strange green light.  
"Whoa.... that's weird.... what do you think is making that light, Asuka?"  
"Lucky Charms?"  
"Probably."  
Asuka kicked open the door, to find, none other than pure, solid, 100%, pasturated, refined, sugared, green light generating, kryptonite.  
"Well, we were close."  
Oh, yea, and besides that there was Gendo tied up hanging from the ceiling, next to an operating table. Big whup.  
"Uh..... Gendo? Why are you hanging from the ceiling?"  
Despite having his mouth muffled with 9 layers of cloth, Gendo spoke in a perfectly clear, audible voice: "It's a long story."  
After responding to..... uh.... Asuka.... no, Shinji.... wait.... who asked the question? Whatever.  
  
(five hours later)  
  
Gendo: "So, in conclusion, I thought the Instrementality Project was just taking WAY to long, and I fused one of Ritsuko's cat's with kryptonite to create a super monster."  
Asuka: "Wow. That story sucked."  
Shinji: "Yea.... and why did it take you 5 hours just to tell it to us?"  
Gendo: "Uh..... anyway the important thing is that this monster I created must be stopped!"  
Asuka: "Where did you get the kryptonite? And why did the author change her way of doing the dialogue? And why am I asking so many questions?"  
Gendo: "We will never know....."  
  
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Meanwhile, Misato licked a toad.  
  
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I changed it up... just a bit... and I finished part 2 


	2. uuh?

Shinji: "So, let me get this straight-"  
Asuka and Gendo both snickered.  
Shinji: "What?! All I said was 'let me get this straight'!!"  
Gendo: "That'll be hard to do...MWAHAHAA *cough* ha."  
Asuka: "Yeah, maybe he'll try to make Kaowru straight, too!"  
They both burst out in uncontrollable laughter.  
Shinji: "What are-...oh. You bastards! I am not gay!!"  
Gendo: "Maybe your not gay, and MAYBE YOUR NOT GAY...."  
Shinji: "Your being sarcastic!"  
Asuka: "Of COURSE not....hehe... why would he EVER do that?"  
Shinji: "I'm surrounded by evil."  
  
They all hurried out of NERV.  
Gendo: "There it is!"  
There, destroying Tokyo 3, a giant, mutated, cat with a red cape and a blue headband stood eating fish. It looked like a 'supercat'. This was all very surprising, but what was even more surprising was who was riding it.  
Shinji: "Wow. I never knew they made headbands that big."  
Asuka: "Is Unit 00 riding that thing?!"  
Indeed it was. And it was holding a microphone.  
Unit 00: "Mwa. ha. ha. ha."  
Shinji: "Wow. I never knew Rei could laugh."  
Gendo: "Asuka. You know what you must do.... get in Unit 02, and kick Rei's ass!"  
Asuka: "For once, I think your right... actually twice."  
Shinji: "What do you mean 'twice'?"  
Gendo: "Your happy."  
The beast spoke and said:" I am the author, and I say, Shinji is gay!"  
Shinji: "Bite me."  
Asuka was about to suit up, get in her Unit 02, and kick ass. But at that momment, the 'supercat' tripped over a rock, knocking off Unit 00, and, for no reason at all, making Rei go flying out of the Eva's head.  
Asuka: "You suck! I didn't even need to kick your ass!"  
Rei: "You-"  
Shinji: "Shut up."  
Rei: "But-"  
Asuka: "Shut up, Wondergirl!"  
Rei: "I-"  
Gendo: "Shut up!"  
*BANG*  
Rei slumped to the ground, and said: "Oh, what a world, what a world!", and..... that's a wrap.  
Shinji: "Wait a minute, I thought you liked Rei.... why did you kill her?"  
Gendo: "I'll just get another clone."  
Asuka: "Another what?!"  
Gendo: "Uh... look into the little red light."  
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Meanwhile, Misato had a beer.  
  
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Gendo almost sounds like Gandhi. Just sayin'. 


End file.
